THE GIRL INSIDE

THE GIRL INSIDE FROM BREAST CANCER

Who am I and where did I go?

This *girl who was always so positive in thought, so full of life, ready to celebrate and have fun…

Now each day takes more effort than I think I have inside me.

Wishing I could lay in bed, not even to read because my focus is gone, not even turning on the television because that will take effort…

Where did this year go and how did I get to today?

So many of the day’s past are a blur, almost wish more of them were…

Tried to show my strength for my children and all the blessed days we had.

Pretend with my wig, be strong bald.

Be a daughter for my aging mother, be a wife to my loving husband.

Be the worker bee when I could, be the caring friend I should.

It’s almost as though life this year was a movie on a screen, with characters playing our roles.

It’s all so surreal, going through the moves of life, yet none of it makes any sense.

I walk past a mirror and forget who I am, who is this person I don’t recognize?

My mind is filled with ideas, but my reality is limited.

And now the year is coming to its end, a welcome thought going thru my head.

What will this new year bring?

Visions of strength and less fatigue? The new girl inside of me?

I’ve learned a great deal about myself, I know right now I still need lots of rest.

The party will go on with or without me, I’m just happy when I can partially celebrate and be.

There’s lots of changes and unknowns, so I look forward to getting to experiment and see.

On the outside, a new body and new hairstyle, but inside a much quieter and reflective child.

I’m learning how to recreate myself and hope I’ll be given the years to get to know ‘me’.

I work hard to hold on to those positive thoughts but a day doesn’t go by without the fear.

My physique and strength have been tossed aside with each day a different goal just to survive.

I’ll fight and I’ll laugh, I’ll rest and hide and with each new day, I’ll love the new girl inside.

Thank you to ALL my family, friends, acquaintances, doctors, nurses, therapist, hairdresser, etc., who provided me with so much love and support throughout this past year. Who let me have my quiet days and helped me thru the rest. I know how much worse it could be and I am determined for all the future holds. I am forever grateful, thankful and hopeful.

This is dedicated to the strongest woman I know. An inspiration as a breast cancer survivor and so much more. In memory of Aunt Ruth whose memories will always make me smile and are filled with love... November1915-December 2017